The true spirit of Christmas

Are you excited about Christmas? How do you define your Christmas? Is it a time to spend with your family? be merry? give gifts? receive gifts? Eat delicious food, jump in to the Christmas rush. What else?

In London, the English spend it drinking, if not spending it on a holiday vacation or join some kissing action in Trafalgar Square or wait for the monstrous price drops in boxing day or wait for the early morning Christmas day when scantily clad women walks into some park.

In our country, we spend a lot of time shopping, gift giving, cooking, drinking and spending time with family. Singing carols, completing simbang gabi as well, Christmas parties here and there.



People all over the world are merry making. However, during my times alone, I can't help think of the others who do not have food on their tables this Christmas, who were abandoned by their families, who are bed ridden due to illnesses, who have lost their loved ones, who have lost their jobs due to financial crisis. Yes, we can't save all of them. Even if we decide to, the little that we can give won't eradicate the poverty et al but it makes a difference to them. Change do not happen overnight, but sharing love to others will always be treasured by individuals even unspoken. At the very least it will be implanted to them subconciously. I invite you this holiday season, let us remember those who are unfortunate by saying a little prayer for them. We might think we are a part of the unfortunate but definitely not. God's grace is sufficient enough for you. If you can read this blog, you are blessed to have internet access, blessed with eyes to read, blessed with computer literacy, blessed with time to read, blessed with open mindedness to read on. You have a lot more to add to these.

Let us take time this season to reflect how blessed are we. Yes, comparing may not always be positive. Let's put that behind and think of how loved are we by God and by our family and friends. Let me start with myself.

As I review 2008, here's what I am thankful for.

To the Almighty God,
Thank you for:
..my life
..my wisdom which is gained everyday in my walk of faith. I may not show it outright but I might surprise you if we have a serious talk.
..my escape from an unhealthy relationship this year. There is so much pain in this, as this was the first time in my life that I've felt so much hatred. I thank God for healing me, for giving me another chance to straighten up my life. There was so much for me to learn. First, master the art of reading people if they are really who they say they are. One can be very sugar coated. Second, the pain of all pains is when one hurts your family. Third, affiliations are only affiliations, it does not define one's true self. Fourth, read minds. Fifth, patience for being a laughing stock at my back of friends.
..my physical abilities. I'm very thankful for my physical strength to run (this saved me from the above), to climb mountains, to live alone in a foreign land.
..the provisions He has provided. Last year, I have encountered financial difficulties but God is so good He gave me opportunities to save during my business trips in Hong Kong and London. Most notable is my acquisitions of Nikky (my nikon d60), and my laptop.
..my better health. I have struggled emotionally and spiritually at the latter part of this year due to my gastritis. I was a frequent visitor of Makati Medical Center this year. From lab tests, X-rays, ultrasound to endoscopy. I am glad I am in better shape now. Thank you Lord God for healing me and providing for my medicinal needs.

Thank you for my parents and Tita,
..for their love, support and sacrifices. for being with me in my stubborness, success and for their good upbringing.

Thank you for my eldest sister,
..whose stubborness keeps me from gaining wisdom and knowing that it is better to love than to be right.

Thank you for my youngest sister,
..whose support and care will always be treasured. I'll miss you..I'll miss protecting you. I pray that you'll be happy, safe, in good health and achieve your goals in that foreign land. Take care always.


How about you? What are you thankful of?

I wish that the true reason for the season be with you always. He's waiting for you.
He's so good a God, He talks all the steps only to be so close to you except for one. That one last step is for you to take. So much about loving you He is not that aggressive.



God bless you all! A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Kindest Regards,
Jay

Christmas is all about love

If our greatest need is information, God would have sent us an educator..

If our greatest need had been technology, God would have sent us a scientist..

If our greatest need had been money, God would have sent us an economist..

But since our greatest need is forgiveness, God sent us a Savior.

Christmas cards. Punctuated promises. Phrases filled with reason we do it all anyway.


He became like us, so we could become like Him.
Angels still sing and the star still beckons.
He loves each one of us like there was only one of us to love.
-When God Whispers Your Name.




Sharing some thoughts for you during this season of love. Taken from the book of Max Lucado, Grace for the moment.

Merry Christmas, and may God's peace be with you.

Cheers,
Jay


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From La Salle to Ateneo

Nope, this is just an intriguing title but would not tackle on the rivalry between the two. I would like to invite all photojournalists for an event to shoot our dear farmer countrymen. These people are responsible for preparing the food in our tables. The farmers hail from Batangas and are here to march from La Salle to Ateneo, then join mass with Cardinal Rosales tomorrow, Dec 5. They are here I think not for the DA issue but for another purpose which I cannot recall. Sorry for my poor memory. Nevertheless, I would like to support them for their galant act by photographing them as I have so much disgust in the current events that has happened in the DA (Department of Agriculture).

Farmers are our heroes. In other countries, they are most loved. It's about time we do the same.
Please join in, I think the event would start at 8am at De La Salle University and will be capped by a mass at 12 in ADMU by the Cardinal himself.

Mabuhay ang mga Pilipinong Magsasaka!

So little time, So many photos

There is really so little time for me and yet I have thousands of photos. My four month old Nikon D60 already has 7000+ of shutter actuations. So little time, so much to shoot. So little time, so much to post-process.

Since I have experienced the power of a RAW image, I have seldom shot in jpeg and this has caused my laptop to run so slow due to the bulk of photos that I have. This made me buy an external hard drive which works well for me. Again, this has given me so much more reason to shoot. From my point and shoot days, I have shot so much during my travels but then it has increased so much more since the arrival of my DSLR. It's as if the camera is already a part of my body. A 12.2GigaBytes of raw image backlog is probably more than enough of how passionate I am to this craft. I owe a lot of friends, colleagues and you my viewer or reader that much of photo data. When will be the time I'll finish San Pablo's seven lakes where I am under pressure from my work colleagues? When will be the time I can share the photos to the shutterclickz group our climb to Mt. Pulag? Perhaps, I need a vacation to finish all these but wouldn't it cause my backlog a lot more GigaBytes? Should I just shoot in jpeg then? I don't want to, raw is the best thing that happened to during the shot and after the shot.

Going back, I even skipped post processing my Halloween Shoot because it's passe. Oh well, what can I do..I guess the best thing is to make people wait more and more! **evil grin**

So long, anyway I showed my colleagues their jumpshot! Hahahaha! Btw, you can also see a photo of mine by Alvin (our team leader in Mt. Pulag climb) here: http://ajjfaustino.multiply.com/photos/photo/25/1



© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Unauthorized use, edit, copy, reproduction, publication, duplication, download and distribution of any image may result in severe legal and criminal penalties under the law.

Betty La Fea is my friend

She is not Bea Alonzo, though she is perhaps prettier than her. Naks!I want to blog about my friend, she is so sweet caring and I wonder why she's single? ;)

The photos will portray how candid she is. Acting like Betty in Gerry's grill makati. :)

I'm blogging about her to let her know how much I really appreciate her effort to pick me up during my spiritual and emotional downtimes this months. I tell her how much I appreciate it and this is the emphasis.

Jocen is her name, very candid, sweet and ever reliable. Sensitive despite of her jolly attitude and never ending smiles, jokes and laughter. I never thought I offended her before which I apologized because yes, I am a darn suplado just so you know. Hahaha.

Thanks Jocen and cheers to you. May God bless you even more and be very positive about life despite of what we are experiencing.

Flower Macros and Sharpening Tutorial

Last month I bought a back issue of Digital Camera, a top U.K. magazine, but up to now I am not thru reading it. Nevertheless, it is an ideal magazine for professional photographers and the amateurs like me. Herein, I learned that in shooting flower macros, it is more effective to compose the shot in a vertical orientation rather than horizontal. It is an effort and more difficult to shoot flowers this way but once you get the hang of it, it's like 2nd nature. The reason behind shooting veritically is that flowers are in nature vertically oriented isn't it? In fact, getting the stem with them gives it more reason to shoot in the said orientation. However, no rules in photography is absolute, so break the rules only when you have mastered it. Once mastered, you'll know the best way how to break it.











































Practice, practice, practice. As always advise by expert photographers and so I always do.

The rest of the result can be found in http://yaj10.multiply.com/photos/album/108/Macro_Photoset or at http://www.flickr.com/photos/mystrongice3

Note that these photos were sharp from the very beginning. I took them using my kit lens Nikkor 18-55mm VR except for one which I took using Nikkor 55-200mm VR @200mm. This is the photo I am talking about.











































How do you make them sharper then? I don't know how to do it in jpeg but definitely know in Camera Raw. In Photoshop's camera raw, go to sharpening. Zoom in closer to your subject and adjust the levels of sharpening, radius, masking, and the noise reduction part. Take note that too much sharpening can also cause the subject to appear unreal so set your dials right.

Cheating? It varies on your perspective, but for me, in photography it is not just about the shot. The before, during and after the shot counts!

Disclaimer: This is not fool proof and I'm not an expert as well. Follow the above at your own risk. Goodluck!

Cheers,
Jay

Guava Leaves

Long time no blog. Ok, I woke up feeling so good today, I do not know why. I hope I'm complety healed on my 4 months of illness. Well, I went home to Pampanga Tuesday and before having done so I have asked my mother to take me to the faith healer in Bulaon, San Fernando City where she got her frozen shoulder healed a couple of years ago. So Tuesday after my work I went straight home and arrived before lunch time. There I was still catching up with my backlog of photo post processing until the afternoon to meet up with my mom. And so we went to my Uncle's house in Bulaon first then he helped us to Aling Itang.

Aling Itang, smokes. Like the old school grandmothers. I don't know why at the time we arrived there she knew that I was the one needing help. I don't look sick at all but perhaps I look stressed. :(

So there we were, she told me some stuff which I wouldn't want to write about. Nevertheless I can tell you that she wanted me to boil Guava leaves with Saresa Leaves. (I don't know the english for Saresa or tagalog if ever but I'm positive that I Kapampangan.) Back then I got my right eye feeling sore due to my addiction to photography caused by photographing the sun and radiation caused by the computer's monitor, she touch my both eyes and I felt a little relief. To cap all that has been said, she said, trust in God, not in me for He is the true healer. I gave her a nod. Two days after that I went back to Makati Medical Center to have myself tested again, I was extracted for blood samples and a stool at that for Lipids check, FBS, stool and occult tests. I hope results be negative once I get hold of them later. Now, on Monday, I'll be subjected again to Gastro Intestinal series of X-rays. There's too much to be checked but I am thankful I am still able to do the things that I want except to eat and drink what I want.

Going back to Guava and Saresa leaves, perhaps it is true that they are good herbal medicines. I have been taking a drink of its bitter boiled leaves like never before. Actually, my dad told me to do so a couple of months ago but I was just stubborn not to. In fact he told me again last mo: Jay, drink this and you'll be better and will even have longer life. I replied, I will never have a long life, I have been sick all my life. Well, enough of my bitterness, I hope I'm back to normal soon.

Cheers,
Jay

The Bacolod Mansion Ruins

Located in Silay, Talisay, Bacolod City, Negros Occidental, Philippines is a mansion that has Italian and Roman influence. It will soon become a tourist attraction and I'm fortunate to do a photoshoot before the tourists crowds this place. Don Mariano Braga, a former captain of a shipping vessel owned and had this constructed before the World War II. It has met a sad fate when the USAFFE (United States Armed Forces in the Far East) and the brave Filipino guerillas burned it to prevent the Japanese from taking over it and using it as their headquarters. Though this great fire consumed it's original form, the structure still stands proud and boasts its antique beauty.

For more photos, see http://www.flickr.com/photos/kixsterpixster/sets/72157608874253614/

A big yet humble God

I write because I want to. I write because I have no one to turn to. I write because I believe no one will ever have the right words that I need to hear. I do not tell my friends about this because this my own battle, not theirs and I am sorry for perhaps I might even be misunderstood.

Since October, I have hardly prayed. That is right, I am trying to be a good son of God but I am living otherwise. I am not proud of this but I am full of emotions these days. Why? I'm not in the mood to re-type or be redundant, you could just read the following in consecutive order:

http://jayfrancisbromero.blogspot.com/2008/11/pissed-off-with-bad-health.html

http://jayfrancisbromero.blogspot.com/2008/11/furious.html

http://jayfrancisbromero.blogspot.com/2008/11/apologies-on-my-behavior.html

(FYI: a few months ago I was so hurt when I learned that someone said: I am a man of God but living otherwise. Seems right today, however, whoever you are, you still lose. You're only intelligent and I am wise. The only thing you deserve from me is 'dedma-tology'.)

If there good news it would be that I prayed sincerely last sunday. When was the last time I can hardly recall. Probably at the 1st week of last month. To set the record straight I did not even pray for myself but for a friend who was in the ER of Medical City. It amazes me how I could be like a doctor, have you ever experienced telling someone thrice in a row, I had that before and you shouldn't worry. Damn! This is really too much for me. A few months ago this friend of mine got vertigo. I told him, you should be fine. Just a little rest and you'll be back because I had that before when I was in college and during my first year in the workforce. Then a couple of months after, he had another back pains. The usual me, encouraging him, I had that before. Until Sunday evening I learned he was in the hospital, I said the magic word again. Migraine? That is really pesky, it won't be off for a time. I had that before you shouldn't worry about the pain, you think a lot that's why. Let me tell how my other conversations with this friend went. J is me and T is him:

T - Bro, please pray for my speedy recovery. I'm in..and so it goes.

J - Sige Bro, I will try to pray., para sayo susubukan ko.

J - I forwarded your sms to our friends, perhaps they can pray for you better than I am.

T - Don't try, pls do.

J - ok, sige na nga. Will pray and pray for you.

G - Salamat, I can sense how deeply emotional you are right now. But I realized that the more we should cling to Him amidst the storms coming our way.

J - ok thanks. (so cold.) Let me know if you need me jan sa ospital.

....

And so T was discharge later that night which was good.

Continuing from my yesterday's writing this was first titled: My Life's Ordeal, Where art thou God? But things change really fast and so the retitling is neccessary. From where I left off I go back to Monday. I was alone but supposed to watch Madagascar but unable to do so because of my 10pm call from the office. I sent T an SMS asking how he is and it sounds good that he is getting better. This didn't stop me to be emotional on God. Expressing my disappointments in violent speech and killer looks. I asked, I have prayed for a lot of people and most of them you've given. I had so much faith in you that I claim you are the great healer of the sick especially those with terminal illness, even mentioning the truths of your word like Isaiah 53:5 "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." How will I be able to say that again if I myself doesn't get well? Too many questions and disgusts cloud my mind. Should I say the inverse for me not to be subjected to test? I did, if not almost did put God to the test. Perhaps I am like the runaway prophet, though I am not as righteous nor do I consider myself even close to it.

Wednesday morning I was in good mood to reflect, pondering I was struck by 2 Corinthians 12:9 even without opening my bible. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I felt the storm calm down on me, the lion heart being tamed. Then it was time for me to go to work. Unfortunately, I felt pains of my chronic gastritis in my stomach again so I was back to being an emotional son to God the Father. Well, I really don't understand you.

Evening came and I was alone in my room, post processing my huge backlog of photos. Skipping the details of the other occurences, I realized last night that:

In the millions of my problems and health concerns, I am still blessed.

I may not be well, but I am provided well by Him for my medicines. An employer for an HMO. The concern and compassion of my friends, online buddies, my sister Noreen, my mother and my D60-joke. Hahaha.

I may have been sickly but I can play physical basketball and smashing it up in badminton.

I may always be sick but not with a terminal one.

I may be down but not a loser.

I am a contradiction in a million ways, but faith is my only hope. A few months before I have comforted my friend thru this verse "Romans 5:3-5. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." and my new found wisdom thru Him.

I am ashamed that I was not able to live up to the strong faith that I used to have. I am ashamed to my friend whom we prayed for last September if she will read this. I am ashamed on Him. Ashamed to the fact that I rant, rant, rant, angry, angry, angry and yet He was silent. Not even bragging on why I still breathe, why I am capable of buying my expensive medicines, to press the trigger of my camera and more.

Discounting my other health issues, I am entirely at fault with my stomach pains. I have enjoyed the root cause anyhow. Given the chance to go back time, I won't think twice to do it again. Pints after pints of Stella Artois, glasses after glasses of bubbly champagne and shots after shots of whisky, I have enjoyed for free in marvelous London. Without a doubt I enjoyed it, perhaps it is the city of all types of beer, the lager, the foster, the sanmigs, my favorites stella-perhaps the best beer in the world and more. The yuletide season there is flooding with alcohol instead of food in contrary to Filipino tradition. I won't forget, me and my clients went down to HA Bar after lunch of December 18, 2007 to be merry with new VPs and drink all day.

Another notable part is to have a drink with a lovely lady, though worlds apart we are right now, I won't forget that 1 big kiss I gave her.

I asked her out but she's got a boyfriend, true or not it doesn't matter. It was a delight to have been told: "I appreciate how gentleman you are and for treating me nice."

To conclude, let us enjoy life! Problems may shake us, but God's grace is sufficient enough for you and me. We may differ in our own debacles, but rest assured you are blessed by the Hand of God. Like the footprints in the sand..You may not see Him but He is there. Sulking and dwelling in the negative will drown us to insanity. Let us change our view point and focus on the good. It will be difficult at times and be sure that I'll experience spiritual dryness again and give up but God never gives up on you and me. Focus and count on your blessings, we only have one life to live in this earth, so make it count.

One day, we'll see each other in Heaven, dressed in white with all the angels and saints but only Jesus is dressed in red, soaked in blood because He changed place with us.

Cheers,

Jay

PS, thank you for all those who have shown concern and compassion. To JLR, Glenn, Stitch, Joken, blsm, Louie, Bubut and Celina, you are God's instruments, thanks a million.

James Bond 007: Quatum of Solace Review

Going back time. January and February of this year, the making of this film is already much talked about in London. The film was half-finished and the new bond girl having a lot of publicities and to that effect. So I read in the free tube (tube is what the English call their city train.) newspaper daily going to work and a lot of free tabloids after work. Why read them? They are free and I have nothing to read and there's 1 in a million things that can be bought cheap in that great city. I wonder how much more publicity that the film had when I left, perhaps a lot more that's why it's a blockbuster in the U.K.

As I have promised you a review of the movie, I was able to watch it last weekend with my best buddy Luis after an anticipated Mass in greenbelt. I was excited to view this film since the trailer is action packed and the storyline seems much to my liking. The movie starts in a fast paced car chase which is a trademark of the Bond movies, you'll surely hold on to your seats at the twists and turns and innovative effects. Well, there is not much really to expect from the film and I rate it as fair: 3/5 for the great action stunts and funny lines between M and James. The downside of the film in my opinion is the not good enough storyline. Yes, I knew that this is the sequel of Casino Royale but it really doesn't appeal to me. The villain is the leader of an "unknown organization" which is really close to impossible as to having something unknown from all the intelligence that agencies have from the first world countries. There a little twist at the end of the movie that gives it a different ending. Did James had his revenge? I don't want to ruin it for you if you really want to see the movie. But for me, revenge do not appeal to me as I am emotionally unstable these days.

My Verdict:
Thumbs up: Action packed!
Thumbs down: Storyline. :(

Stressful Relationships: Untie it! Sever it! by all means!

I wanted a funny title but a clean one and this is the closest statement that I could think of. Bear with me as I try to make this as humane as possible.

We filipinos have sort of green metaphors that could have a very good use in our daily lives!
If your in a stressful relationship, you most likely need this:

"Wag magpatali ng bayag!" or better yet "Wag magpahawak ng bayag!" Rephrased, "Wag magpasakal!"

Whatever it is, go for the kill! Have the killer instinct! If you smell blood, hit right were it hurts! What is important is that you make yourself free from an unhealthy relationship that is causing you to:
1.) Sin.
2.) Stressed in any form.
3.) Manipulated.
4.) You can't be yourself.
5.) Your partner is self-centered.

etc, etc, etc.

He will change? She will change? --this doesn't work my dear! Love yourself first, not until you are selfish, before you can love anyone back. You should be overflowing with love before you can settle for that very 'yes' in marriage.

Why am I writing this? Because in my multiply site, I can see a lot of people brokenhearted.
Have I experienced this? Yes, I did 4 years ago a brokenheart, a few months ago a vengeful heart. Angry driven heart is not good, forgiving is everything. I am not righteous, I also had a difficult time forgiving. Well, don't carry an extra luggage by being bitter and unforgiving. Laugh at it, pray about it, joke with it..it works!

How do you do the killer break-up?! Do it properly, but if need be, santong paspasan na..and run forrest run!

Now, take care of your heart.

-Jay, the photographer. (feeling masyado, wahahaha)

Looking for a free WIFI in Metro Manila?

Laptops can be easily acquired nowadays. The credit card providers makes their cardholders actually lure for any possible buy on their jawdropping 0% installment plans.

And then, I was also a victim. ;)

I got one for myself last September, basically for my photography craft usage. However, I had one problem. I did not have a broadband. Suddenly, a genius came out of me and I asked my sister Noreen who has been a laptop user provided by her former employer. Next thing I remember I was already using WIFI to upload Megabytes after Megabytes of photos in the web. Amazing what technology can do. What amazes me more is you get to eat and surf the net for free. Hahaha, Gotcha! eating is not free, you have to buy a meal first and get a WIFI connection free. Here is a short list of where you can avail of a free WIFI coming out of your neccessity to eat, good deal yeah?

Ortigas Area:
1. SM Megamall - Krispy Kreme, GF Bldg B. Buy a doughnut or too and you're all set. Just do fail to ask for the security password at the counter.
2. SM Megamall - Kenny Rogers, GF Bldg A. Buy a meal for a single receipt of Php 200 and get an hour free of WIFI. Not too bad eh?
3. Gloria Jeans Cafe - In my very own office building, UnionBank Plaza, Meralco Ave.

Makati Area:
1. Krispy Kreme Ayala - my favorite. I even did a photoset here. You can check it out at http://yaj10.multiply.com/photos/album/54/Krispy_Kreme_Ayala. It was a plus when I met someone who is a photo enthusiast such as I am in there.
2. Burger King, Glorietta 2. Avail of their BK byte for every value meal purchase. The place can be packed with dinners and WIFIers such as you are so hurry up!
3. Bo's Coffee, Dela Rosa Carpark - haven't tried it but my sister says it's free.
4. PowerPlant Mall, Rockwell - Anywhere in the mall according to my source. ;)

See you online!

Granny Smith Apples

I was fond of apples as a young kid, but then the quality of apples degraded so I stopped liking them. Last year until 1st quarter of this year I was fortunate to be in London, England. Here, out of my desire to eat fruits, I tried these green apples called "Granny Smith". They are so good I just can't stop eating them. So crunchy, juicy, just the right sweetness and very fresh! Since then I bought a bunch once or twice a week in Tesco. I have a sharp memory and the Tesco I used to shop? It is located near Liverpool Street Station.



Moreover, when I arrived back to our country, I brought some with me. *grin*. Yes, because I thought they are not available here. To my surprise, they are all over Landmark and Rustans. I had one just now! They aren't as fresh as the ones in London but they still tastes just as good.
Try them now!

Apologies on my behavior

Yesterday was a time that I have wrote one of my worst emotions. I feel bad having said them now because in one way or another it gives negative impact on the readers and drains them too.

I apologize for having infected you in anyway of my negative energies. It was just too much to bear for me not to be mad nor to speak up even if it just in this blog.

I had tears yesterday, and more today as I have read comments on my blog.
It is true I have not sought God in my weaknesses for a lot of weeks now because I have decided too.

A moment ago, one of my contacts expressed her gratitude on what she has read on the homepage of my multiply site. It is a shame that it looks like I really have multiple personalities and I am not what I preach. My homepage looks like this:

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

I have forgotten, I decided to.
I am in my painful moments, trust God?..I know this by heart, but there are things I could not understand and will never will because I am only human. It's so difficult to trust when things happen repeatedly not for a time, but in my whole lifetime of 28yrs.

There was a saint (forgot who) who prayed: "Lord, is this what you reward your friends?"

The Jay before to his friend: "Be humble, things happen repeatedly. Trust God, for His plans are for your welfare but we just can't understand it now, but time will come we will." The Jay now, unbelieving even to the very words coming out of him. Perhaps, I'm given a dose of my own medicine. Should I say the same? Lord, is this what you reward your friends?

I guess I am on the brink of crossing back to the past Jay, I am getting there. If there's any different with my past or if there's anything to thank for, I can still afford my medicines without asking for help with my mom. Thank you to Citibank credit card. LOL! I also have rebates from Mercury Drug from using it. Undoubtedly, this is the year that I have spent a lot for medicines considering I am so young to be sick. My rough estimate, from the period of July to date, it's around 30k Php. I only need to add 4k and I can get my 18-200mm VR Nikkor lens which I would gladly trade for a better health but none of it was given unto me.

Am I too selfish to think of myself so much? Today I am willing to. I am even willing to use my power over the weaklings. I no longer care. I will bully my way in and out of the MRT now (hahaha, just for the heck of it.). Perhaps I should be rude, cruel, relentless and unforgiving. A gentle giant no more. What I'm trying to point out is if your good, then worst things happen. Let me try the contrary, perhaps I will be in good health.

What wrong have I done to be sick all the time? Drinking too much alcohol, yes I rightfully deserve to have stomach pains, but for the rest? Nil, zip, null!

Too bad all that I write is anger, sarcasm, and the like. Sick, the most used word in my blog! woooh! Haha! As I informed my best friend ( I got 2 but informed only the one who's in better health, the other one is also sick!), I was almost in tears in SM MegaClinic yesterday after office. I felt uncomfortably because there are people around, not discounting that I am male, 6 feet and 220lbs. To make things more weird herein, I am glad the surgeon thinks it is not a cyst. Sigh of relief. Sorry I have said the f*** thing. What is the lump then? Well, it is superfacialthromboflavitis. I'm not sure if I spelled it right but it was caused by the 2 syringe in my left arm 2 weeks ago. The 1st one was due to the intraveneous medicines given to me Sunday Oct 26 and the 2nd one for the dextrose of my endoscopy procedure, Oct 27. It was explained that due to clotting of blood or to that effect, there have been an inflammation in my veins which usually heals by itself. Simple because healing on me does not come naturally, I had it and I need antibiotics, sigh, again. I would like to believe that the 1st syringe was the root cause as it badly hurt afterwards and has caused some tenderness in my arm a few days after. Oh well, I hope that even I'm negative and the like you could pick up something good.

-Jay-

Furious

In continuation to my previous blog "pissed off with my bad health", I am now FURIOUS!
What the hell is happening to me! Damn, fuck, putangina!

I went down to our company clinic and I was advised by the doctor to check the probable cyst with a fucking surgeon.

Fuck my life..

Where are you God? I am tired..just give me rest would you please!?
Mamayapa nalang ako than to experience all these shit!

Quantum of Solace

The new James Bond film, is it good or just the trailer?
Will Daniel Craig be as good as his predecessors Pierce, Seanne, Roger et al?

This is a box office hit already in English land, but does it suit an Eastern taste or a Filipino like me?

I will find out and let you know when I see the movie, perhaps this weekend.

My Best Photos thus far

I'm calling the photos herein as best basing from the fact that a lot of people have loved it from their comments in my multiply site.



1. One top is my office building cafeteria view at night.

2. The above is my very first HDR. Tidious but worth it.

3. My first photo contest entries. This one is my favorite among my 3 entries and well loved by my browsers.



I have a lot more photos, however, since this blogsite is new, they are all in http://www.yaj10.multiply.com/photos

Cheers,
Jay

Pissed off with bad health

Today I woke up fine, but when I was in the shower preparing for work I found a lump in my arm. I used to wear my big watch in my left arm but since yesterday I felt it hurting and I decided to use my right instead. Yesterday I thought this was nothing, but while taking this bath I felt so bad that I started cursing, what the f**k is this again. God forbids that this is a cyst, not another cyst from the one I got extracted 5 yrs ago.

Pissed off. Perfect description, exactly what I feel. Who wouldn't be?

Wouldn't you if, during your youngster you were asthmatic? That you wanted to become a basketball player but couldn't grow up as a normal kid? But thanks God, I am healed since High School.

Wouldn't you if, for the past decades you have been easily infected by flu? sore throats? allergies? and a lot more minor illnesses. But thank you Lord for healing me once again.

Wouldn't you if, last year you have learned you have an 18 degrees of sculiosis? That almost the whole of the year you have suffered back pains? That only in your 27th year you have learned that you have this? Thank you again God. Thank you spas around Metro Manila for the weekly therapy that I pay for. Thank you my employer for the hand that sustains me.

Wouldn't you if, this year was a real pain? Mid-year, I have suffered allergies that is caused by air? Imagine that, it's air! So after a month, I'm rid of those. Thank you Lord again. Thank you dermatologist in Makati Med. Thank you for an expensive vitamins that 25% of my salary for 15days was halfed.

What else? This is the one that crossed the line. Wouldn't you if, since late July you have been suffering from gastritis? I have been thru doctors with or without specializations, discounting the fact that my elder sister is a doctor. 2 Gastroenterologists I have been through, 1st from my sister's colleague in Angeles city, and most recently in Makati Medical Center. Two mondays ago, Oct 27, 2008 at the Makati Medical Center, I have gone thru my 2nd endoscopy in six years. Who wouldn't if you have been suffering of stomach pains for the past 3 months? Thank you again my God for a favorable result, no ulcers, no bacteria, purely chronic gastritis that has been in my stomach for a long time. I'm not yet fully recovered from this, but then, I'm so afraid I would have another health challenge to face. Damn it! Am I so screwed up to deserve all this? Perhaps, my stomach pains I admit, due to my great love for alcohol with emphasis to my drinking sessions with the Englishmen of London late last year to the 1st quarter of this year. Other than that, do I deserve all this pain?

I have prayed this morning and for the past 3 days. Don't get me wrong, I was regarded as someone prayerful but has ceased to do so since last month. In fact I belong to a Catholic Charistmatic community Ang Lingkod Ng Panginoon. I actually have a blog about it here: "http://yaj10.multiply.com/journal/item/13/Ang_Lingkod_Ng_Panginoon_-_Makati_at_Shutterfly.com".

I told God this morning: Where are you Lord? Have you been listening to me or even hearing me? I have prayed for a lot of people and most of them were granted, how about mine? Isn't it simple that I just want a healthier life? What else?

I'm a so pissed off..

Nevertheless, I read on to my daily reflection guide. Max Lucado even said that "God loves you dearly". He knows that someday you'll be drawn away from Him, but He has already prepared your way back. Another joke from my Big God. What is this again Lord?

A few days ago, a friend of mine whom I will hide in the name of MJ, though she's a girl, sent me a canned SMS. Here it goes:
The strongest people have the worst problems..
The worst trials..
The worst situations..
It's not because God wants them to suffer..
But it's because God trusts them so much He gave them something He knows they can overcome.
Be thankful for God's trials! They are His gifts to strong people.

I replied, thank you. Given the choice, I would chose to be weak. This is not the usual me, rather the effect of my deepest emotions. When would this end? When will I be the usual me? I do not know nor do I know when God will speak to me and explain to me what's happening. I need to talk to Him, I know, but I am so stubborn I don't feel like it.

Wondering what she replied? She's animated so it's amusing. MJ: "But you don't have a choice, so, BE STRONG!"

Thinking if I have friends to guide me? Yes, I do. A lot of them, they are real friends but I'm keeping this to myself that is why. And to my best of friends Louie and Glenn, only Glenn knows but we haven't got the time to talk. I don't want to bother them as well and my problems might even sound nothing and perhaps, they don't have the answer..only God have the answer. Or if you believe you are God's messenger for me, please, I beg you, send me a comment or a PM.

I hope that soon, I'll be perfectly healthy and be like Max below:

Max Lucado:
"I chose to be gentle. If I raise my voice, may it only be of praise. If I clench my fist, may it only be in prayer. If I demand, may it only be of myself."

Please pray for me.

Sincerely,
Jay

My First blogsite

This is my first time to get a blog for myself. I usually convey my thoughts in my multiply blog at www.yaj10.multiply.com/journal but today is different because I need to unload the deepest emotions that I got that I do not dare to expose in the said site. As of now, this is my purpose, I do not know what the future will look for this blogsite.

If anyone would be reading this, I do hope you'll feel inspired though I'm totally uninspired today and feel very weak.

Cheers,
Jay